Ever wondered what it would be like if Dear Abby were a man? Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband wants a threesome with my sister and me. A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing your sister. Far from being an issue, this can bring the entire family closer together. Why not gestate cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, let him be with your relatives without you, then buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior. Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him. A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories per spoonful. It is nutritious, helps you to keep your figure, and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. Oral sex can be extremely stressful for a man. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day. Meanwhile buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal. Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys. A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for him. Just look at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your sister to perform oral sex on him. Then to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a good meal and don't ever mention this aspect of his behavior. Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is. A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and sell it. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice, expensive present, and cook him a delicious meal. Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay. A. You are a bad person and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with foreplay lasting no more than the time it takes to get undressed. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should-he should not have to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal. Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm. A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice, expensive present, and don't forget to cook him a delicious meal