Problem
You are in a boat in the middle of a river.
You have 2 cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette.
You don't have anything else with you in the boat.

How will you do it?


Solution 1:
Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become
LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other cigarette.



Solution 2:
You throw a cigarette up and catch it.
Catches win Matches.
Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette

Solution 3:
Praise One cigarette.. the other will get jealous and burn by itself.. now use it!

Question:
A man is riding on his bike through a very dense forest in the evening.
After about an hour he sees a peacock appear all of a sudden in the way -
and the peacock is smiling at him.

The man feels its kinda weird and carries on traveling. Another hour passes
and he sees the same peacock again in the middle of the road smiling at him.
The man is a little scared now, but says to himself that he is just tired
and is just imagining things and carries on with his ride.

Yet another hour passes and he finds the peacock again appearing out of
nowhere smiling at him.........

Why is this happening?????



Answer:
Because the man is riding TVS Victor and so "More(Peacock in Hindi) smiles per hour".

What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???

Domi doesnt know!

Question Number 1:

How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?


The correct answer is:
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.

This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.


Question Number 2:

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?


Wrong Answer:
Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.

Correct Answer:
Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.


This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.


Question Number 3:

The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?


Correct Answer:

The Elephant
The Elephant is in the refrigerator.
Remember?

This tests your memory.

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.

Question Number 4:

There is a river you must cross. But crocodiles inhabit it.
How do you manage it?


Correct Answer:

You swim across. Why?
All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference!!!

This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.


Enjoy!

How To Catch a Lion?

Newton's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.


Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.


Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.


Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.


Rajnikanth Method:
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.


Ramarajan Method:
Remove the make-up and put it over lion. The lionwill die notwithstanding that heavy weight.


Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !


Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.


Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness(third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont !


Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.


Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.


Menaka Gandhi method:
save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.


George Bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!


Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run

Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the velocity of light.

On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.

Stranger: "Sir, can I know your name please"

Gulshan: "I am Gulshan Grocer"

Stranger: "Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??"

Gulshan: "No it is Grocer"

Now tell me why did Gulshan say so...

ANS: Because at the speed of light V=C

Mars Stand

Instructions:
Space to Shoot
Level the Land to secure a Safe Landing!




Have Fun!

Yo mama so fat, she wore a X t-shirt, and a helicopter landed on her
yo mama so skinny, she hang glides with a Dorito
yo mama so stupid, she thinks hamburger helper comes with another person
yo mama so stupid, she thinks menopause is a button.
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so fat were in her right now
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise
Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world
Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!
Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!
Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!
Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!
Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.
Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!
Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!
Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too
Yo mama so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it!
Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep.
Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.
Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo mama so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her
Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones.
Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo mama so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo mama so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
Yo mama so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out
Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.
Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
Yo mama so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

Yo momma like potato chips-- Fri-to Lay
Yo momma like a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!
Yo momma like the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!
Yo momma like a doorknob - everyone gets a turn!
Yo momma like a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!
Yo momma like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn!
Yo momma like a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!
Yo momma like a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!
Yo momma like the railway system, she gets laid all over the country!
Yo momma like a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!
Yo momma like a shotgun: one cock and she blows!
Yo momma like a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!
Yo momma like Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing
Yo momma like a refridgerator: everyone likes to put their meat in her!
Yo momma like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
Yo momma like a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.
Yo momma like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.
Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long.
Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"
Yo momma like Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"
Yo momma like a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow.
Yo momma like chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!
Yo momma like a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.
Yo momma so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!
Yo momma so hairy she's got afros on her nipples!
Yo momma so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
Yo momma so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.
Yo momma so slutty she could suck-start a Harley!
Yo momma so slutty she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!
Yo momma so slutty when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!
Yo momma so slutty she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"
Yo momma so slutty that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.
Yo momma so slutty she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive
Yo momma so slutty that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.
Yo momma so slutty I fucked her and I's a chick!
Yo momma so slutty she blind and seeing another man.
Yo momma nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!
Yo momma nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!
Yo momma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
Yo momma so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Yo momma so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her
Yo momma teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo momma teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
Yo momma so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
Yo momma so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
Yo momma so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
Yo momma so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.
Yo momma so bald even a wig wouldn't help!
Yo momma so bald you can see whats on her mind
Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
Yo momma so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
Yo momma so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
Yo momma so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
Yo momma so flat she's jealous of the wall!
Yo momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.
Yo momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
Yo momma has an afro with a chin strap.
Yo momma has one leg and a bicycle.
Yo momma has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.
Yo momma has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.
Yo momma has one hand and a Clapper.
Yo momma has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.
Yo momma has green hair and thinks she's a tree.
Yo momma has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.
Yo momma has a 'fro with warning lights.
Yo momma has 10 fingers--all on the same hand.
Yo momma has a glass eye with a fish in it.
Yo momma has a short leg and walks in circles.
Yo momma has a short arm and can't applaud.
Yo momma got so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!
Yo momma got two wooden legs and one is one backward.
Yo momma got three fingers and a banjo.
Yo momma got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.
Yo momma got a bald head with a part and sideburns.
Yo momma got a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!
Yo momma got a wooden leg with branches.
Yo momma got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.
Yo momma got a metal afro with rusty sideburns.
Yo momma house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.
Yo momma house so small she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
Yo momma house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
Yo momma house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
Yo momma house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
Yo momma hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.
Yo momma hair so short she curls it with rice.
Yo momma head so big she has to step into her shirts.
Yo momma head so big it shows up on radar.
Yo momma head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.
Yo momma head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.
Yo momma wears knee-pads and yells "Curb Service!"
Yo momma feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!
Yo momma aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!
Yo momma lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.
It took yo momma 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldn't get used to the front seat!
You were born out of your mother's arse 'cos her cunt was too busy.
Yo momma hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
Yo momma hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
Yo momma so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
Yo momma so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
Yo momma twice the man you are.
Yo momma cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
Yo momma is missing a finger and can't count past 9.
Yo momma arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
Yo momma middle name is Rambo.
Yo momma in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna push me 'round no more."
Yo momma grouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.
Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.
If my dog had a face as ugly as your momma's, I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards.
Yo momma mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
Yo momma gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.
Yo momma breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.
I saw your momma at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.
I saw your momma kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, and she said "Moving."
Yo momma teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.