John O'Riley was a member of an Irish Toast Masters Club and one evening at the local Irish Toast Masters meeting, a contest was held to see who could deliver the best toast. Well, John O'Riley won the contest for the best toast of the evening, " Here's To The Best Years o' Me Life, Spent Between The Legs o' Me Wife. " When John O'Riley arrived home his beautiful wife asked him how the Toast Masters meeting went and he said, " I won the contest for the best toast of the evening. " His wife then asked him what his toast was, and he said, " Here's To The Best Years o' me Life, Spent in Church wi' me Wife. " His wife then said, " Why John, that's so nice of you to include me in your Toast. " The next morning, Mrs. O'Riley was downtown shopping and ran into the local policeman on the beat who was also at the Toast Masters meeting with John O'Riley. He said, " Hello Mrs. O'Riley, that was some great toast that your husband John gave at the Toast Masters meeting last evening. He won first prize". " Yes, that's right, " said Mrs. O'Riley, " but he wasn't quite honest with the facts: he's only been there twice, the first time he fell asleep and the second time I had to pull him out by the ears. *********************************************** Lunches An Irishman, a Mexican and a Redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said; "Corned beef and cabbage." If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed; "Burritos again." If I get Burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The Redneck opened his lunch and said; "Bologna again." "If I get a Bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too." -Next Day- The Irishman opens his lunch box, sees Corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a Burrito and jumps too. The Redneck opens his lunch, sees the Bologna and jumps to his death also. -At The Funeral- The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says; "If I'd known how really tired he was of Corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again." The Mexican's wife also weeps and says; "I could have given him Tacos or Enchiladas, I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the Redneck's wife.... Hey, don't look at me,"she said, "That dumb-ass makes his OWN lunch!"