HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. Look at your womanly physique in mirror and stick out gut so you can complain and whine even more about getting fat. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure it has all come off). Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead. Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and you lose the water pressure. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up exposed areas, then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed. HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN Take off clothes while sitting on edge of bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her and make "woo"sound. Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire size of wiener in the mirror, scratch "privates" and smell fingers for one last whiff. Get in the shower. Don't bother to look for washcloth (you don't use one). Wash face, then armpits. Crack up at how loud fart sounds in the shower. Wash privates and surrounding area. Wash butt, leaving hair on the soap bar. Shampoo hair (do not use conditioner). Make a shampoo Mohawk. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror. Pee (in the shower). Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on floor because you left curtain hanging out of tub the whole time. Partially dry off. Look at self in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again. Leave shower curtain open, wet bath mat on floor. Leave bathroom fan and light on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.