There are these friends who play golf together every Saturday. Well, one Saturday they were getting ready to tee off when a guy, by himself, asked them if he could join them. The friends looked at each other and then looked at the man and said it was OK. So they teed off. About two holes into the game, the friends got curious of what the lone man did for a living. So they asked him. The stranger told them that he was a hitman. The friends kind of laughed. The man said, "No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere I go. You can take a look if you like." So one of the guys decided he would. He opened up the bag and sure enough, there was this rifle with a huge scope on it. He got all excited about it. He said, "WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?" The stranger handed him the rifle. The man looked for a second and said, "YEAH! You can! I can even see through my windows into my bedroom. There's my wife, naked. Isn't she beautiful? WAIT! There's my next door neighbor! He's naked too!" This upset the man, so he asked the hitman how much it would be for a hit. The hit man replied, "It's $1000 every time I pull the trigger." The man said, "$1000, ouch! Well, OK. I want two hits. I want you to shoot my wife right in the mouth. She is always nagging at me and I can't stand it. Second, I want you to shoot my neighbor right in the dick, just for screwing around with my wife." The hit man agrees so he gears up and looks through the scope. He's looking for about 5 minutes. Well, the man starts to get impatient and asks the hitman what he is waiting for. The hitman replies, "Just hold on now... I'm about to save you a thousand bucks."

A ward house was in need of painting, but there was no budget to buy paint and pay someone to paint it. The bishop asked a member of the ward who was a painting contractor if he would donate his labor towards the cause. The brother agreed, the paint was purchased and delivered to his home. As the contractor looked at all the paint and imagined the hours it would require for him to complete the church job, he was tempted. He thought to himself that if he thinned the paint some he would be able to have to some paint that he could use in his business which would reimburse him somewhat for all of his effort.
He completed the job Saturday night and thought that all would be well as long as it didn't rain before the paint dried. Alas, he woke up Sunday morning to pouring rain. He went to the meeting house and saw the bishop shaking his head as he watched the paint running from the building. The contractor was humbled and apologetic. The bishop accepted his confession and gave him this advice, "Repaint, repaint! And thin no more."