Two missionaries were tracting door to door and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close -- in fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result -- the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

Two home teachers went out one Saturday to visit their families. At one home, it was obvious that someone was there, but nobody came to the door even though they knocked several times. Finally, the senior companion took out a piece of paper and wrote the member's name on the card with the words, "Revelations 3:20" written below it, and stuck the paper in the crack in the door.
(Revelations 3:20 -- Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me).
The next day, on Sunday, the piece of paper was returned to the home teacher. Below the home teacher's message was the notation "Genesis 3:10"
(Genesis 3:10 -- I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself).

The following is a true story---- You know how people are always wondering how certain phrases came into being, like "Don't shoot till you see the whites of their eyes" and "Remember the Alamo" and so on. A lot of people asked me where the saying "You gotta be shittin me" came from. It so happens I know. Way back, George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops. They were packed into the boats. It was extremely dark and storming furiously. The water was tossing them back and forth. Finally Washington grabbed Corporal Peters and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern.He ordered him to keep swinging it so they could see where they were heading. Corporal Peters stood up braving the wind and driving rain, swinging the lantern back and forth. A while later a big gust of wind hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for hours trying to find Corporal Peters but to no avail. All of them felt terrible for the Corporal had been one their favorites. An hour later Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them they must go on. An hour later Washington and his men could go no further. One of his men said,"General, I see lights ahead." They trudged towards the lights and came upon a huge house there in the woods. What they didn't know was this was a house of ill repute hidden in the forest to serve all who came. General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open and the madam looked out to see Washington and all his men standing there. A huge smile came across her face to see so many men standing there. Washington spoke up, "Mam, I'm General George Washington and these are my men. We're tired and exhausted and desperately need warmth and comfort for a while. Again the Madam looked at all the men standing there and with a broad smile on her face said, "Well General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?" Washington said " Well mam, there are thirty-two of us without Peters." Madam said, "You gotta be shittin me !"