Blonde Puzzle

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."

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Blonde In A Boat

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”

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Come To Me Perfume

One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled "Viens Chez Moi."

The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me."

So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."

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Brunette Meets Genie

A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.

The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."

The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."

The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."

The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."

The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."

The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."

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Blonde and Dictionary

A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking at a dictionary for the hardest words they knew. The brunette's word was quizzical. The redhead's word was photosynthesis. The blonde's word was dick.

Hightech sardar inventions
Four hightech sardar inventions:
-Waterproof towel
-Solar powered torch
-Book on how to read
-Pedal powered wheel chair.

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RICH GENEROUS SARDAR
Why does a rich generous sardar have two swimming pools of which one is always empty???
For people who don know how to swim!!

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SARDARJI PROPOSES TO A WOMAN AND
She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears.
Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one.
He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *AGAIN* barefeet!"

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ONLY MARRIED MEN
Banta owned a large factory. He issued orders that only married men would be employed. When his friend Santa asked him the reason, Banta replied, 'Married men are more obedient.'

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"

"Yes," the other bat answers.

"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

A couple was golfing one day on a Very Exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee, the husband said,


"Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball, do not knock out any windows. It will cost us a fortune to fix."


The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.

The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let¢s go up there, apologize and see how much it s going to cost us."

They walked up and knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in."


When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke the window?"

"Uh yeah, sorry about that" the husband replied.


"No, actually I want to thank you. I am a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You have released me. I am allowed to grant three wishes - I will give you each one wish, and I will keep the last one for myself." the genie said.


"Ok" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."


"No problem-it is the least I can do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said looking at the wife.


"I want a house in every country of the world" she said.


"Consider it done." the genie said.


"And what is your wish, genie?" the husband said


"Well, since I have not had sex with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I would not mind."

The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was all over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife and said, "How old is your husband anyway?"


"35" she said.


"Really? And he still believes in genies?

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Shit, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice of Little Johnny at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies

Little Johnny went and wrote a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Little Johnny was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

Johnny stated that his friend Mike was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

Johnny said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Mike".

The teacher asked, "What if Mike went to hell?"

Little Johnny replied, "Then you ask him ".

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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little boy who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The boy replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the boy replied, "They will in a minute."

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

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A Mexican, an American, and a Pollock are all in an airplane Flying over Mexico.

The Mexican drops a pear on his country.

When the American asks why he says he loves his country.

Then they're flying over the US and the American drops an apple.

When the Pollock asks why he says because he loves his country.

Then they're flying over the Pollock's country and the Pollock drops a bomb.

When the American and the Mexican ask why he says because he hates his country.

A while later the Mexican is walking the streets and he sees a boy who is crying.

He asks why and the boy says because a pear fell out of the sky and hit him on the head.

The American is walking the streets and he sees a little girl crying.

When he asks her why she says because an apple fell out of the sky and hit her on the head.

The Pollock is walking the streets and he comes to a man that is laughing.

When he asks him why the man says, "Because I farted and the building behind me blew up!"

Yo Mama's so stupid... glass

Yo mama is so stupid, she has a glass door with a peep hole.

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Yo mama's so fat... door

Yo' mama is so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

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Yo mama's...Old!

Yo' Mama is so old, when I told her to act her age she died.

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Yo Mama's So Fat... X-Files Tee

Yo mama's so fat, she wore an X-Files T-shirt and a helicopter landed on her.

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Yo Mama's So Ugly... Born

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born her mama said, “what a treasure,” and her daddy said, “yeah, let's bury it.”

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Yo mama's so dumb... airport

Yo mama is so dumb that she was on her way to the airport and saw a sign that said “airport left.” So she turned around and went home.

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Yo mama's teeth are so big...

Yo Mama's teeth are so big, if she sneezes she'll stab herself in the chest.

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Yo Mama's So Fat... Cat's tail

Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on my cat's tail and now I call him "Beaver"

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Yo mama's So Fat

Yo' mama so fat she has to call Sherwin-Williams to paint her toenails!

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Yo mama's so fat... first word

Yo Mama is so fat, that her first word was oink.

Antique Shop

Yo' mama so stupid, she walked into an antique shop and asked "What's new?"

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Yo' Mama's.....Old!

Yo' Mama's so old, I took her to see "Jurassic Park" and she started having flashbacks.

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Yo mama is so fat, she fell through the ground and struck oil.

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Yo mama's so Stupid!

Yo mama is so stupid, she traded in her car for gas money.