Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator. .."

What happens if 1 rupee = 45 dollars!

............ ......... ....

Scene 1

Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York , US Some s/w
engineers are seeing some photographs.

s/w engg 1 : What's that?

s/w engg 2 : Bob's photographs from India .

s/w engg 1 : Wow. Let me see. Which is this place?

s/w engg 3 : (Sees the photo) This is tidel park,chennai
s/w engg 1 : Fundoo yaar! And what is this? He got Bajaj Pulsar also.

s/w engg 2 : Let me see (sees). This guy enjoys life maan...

s/w engg 3 : You know how much an Bajaj Pulsar costs?
Nearly 60K.....
Say it in dollars... (60000*45 = 27,00,000 dollars)

s/w engg 2: Oops. We can't dream of such a thing here.

s/w engg 1 : Let's go to India & try for a job.

[Everybody excited.]

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

SCENE 2

Venue: Sun Microsystems, SanFrancisco , California, US

s/w engg 1: I'm with you man. My Visa is expected anytime. Soon I will
fly to India

s/w engg 2: Ohhh.... When is the party?

s/w engg 1: When I get it on hand.

s/w engg 2: Where will you be working?

s/w engg 1 : I'll be working in ambatur
s/w engg 2 : Oh! ambatur. Great yaar. where it is...

s/w engg 1 : It is in chennai.

s/w engg 3 : Fundoo place yaar. Nice climate Not like California.
You'll love the weather yaar. One of my friends is in coimbatore...
He says it's the ultimate place to live in. Cool maan.

s/w engg 2 : Who is the client yaar?

s/w engg 1: You know Municipal Corporation of chennai ?

s/w engg 3 : One of my friends is there in
the Road Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar. People are
working in the cutting edge of technology there.

s/w engg 1 : I'll be writing software for the accounts department of
the GCU.

s/w engg 2: GCU? what it means...?

s/w engg 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.

s/w engg 3 : : Great yaar. That's what I like about
that country. You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not like
here. See I'm writing software for the space shuttle remote control.
I hate this.

s/w engg 1 : Don't worry guys. I'll give you my
Hotmail id. You can send your resume to me and I'll forward it to the
HRD.

[Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

SCENE 3

Venue: Intel Corp. US

s/w engg 1: Great news guys. Our George has got
admission in the IGNOU with scholarship for B.A History. A
great new field yaar...

All are excited...

George : Got my Visa yesterday. It's all finalized now.

s/w engg 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.

s/w eng g 1 : B.A in Histroy...ohh. ..man, enjoy your life there!!

s/w engg 2 :Got full aid, eh?

George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 1200 Rupees / year.

s/w engg 1 : Great. Enjoy.

s/w engg 2 : (Thinking loud): 1200 Indian Rupees...!
that means 1200 * 45 = 54000 Dollars... with that amount I can buy an
three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here...!!!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

SCENE 4

A foreigner working in Hyderabad as Software Engg gets
a call from his Home ..

Father : What are you doing son ?

S/w Eng : Having breakfast ?

Father : what are you eating ?

S/w Eng: Coconut Sauce and Rice Bread i.e.,(Idli and
Chutney)

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde to stand in the circle and not move.

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this." He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad.

He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

"What's so funny?" The truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle 4 times."

-----------------------------

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a bar stool.

After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6'tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate.

What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler."

"Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

-----------------------------

The Blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in. They were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos. They wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged.

So they pressured the administration to set up a new Department especially for them. The university agreed, and set up the Blonde Education Department.

The Blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own where they could gather without being ridiculed. They felt they really belonged now.

They wanted other students to see that they weren't just stupid bimbos -- after all, they now had their own department at the university.

So they now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde Education Department, which sports the saying: "I Belong in B.E.D."

-----------------------------

Q: What is the mating call of a blonde?

A: "I'm soooo drunk."

-----------------------------

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, "Pig #1, do you know your mission?"

The pig replies, "Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink."

Then NASA Control asks the second pig, "Pig #2, do you know your mission?"

The second pig replies, "Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth. Land shuttle. Oink oink."

Then NASA asks the blonde, "Blonde woman, do you know your mission?"

The blonde woman replies, "Ummmmmmm.... Oh yeah, I remember now. 'Feed the pigs - and DON'T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!"

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit shit. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''

''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.

So he ate them and said, ''These taste like shit.''

''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're already getting smarter.''

SARDAR AND THE MOSQUITOE!

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights.
Sardarji was also experiencing the same, every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn."

He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge.

Happy as he is now starts singing a lorry and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands.

So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

----------------------

THREE SARDARS IN SINGAPORE!

Three Sardarjis went for a tour to Singapore . They searched for rooms everywhere and finally got one which is in the topmost floor of a 100 floor hotel. After taking rest they started for a local visit. While leaving the hotel, the manager informed them that they should reach the hotel before10.00pm or else lift will not be available and they have to take the steps for which they agreed and went out.

After all the entertainment in the city, they reached back late at 10.30. Since lift was not available, they decided to take the stairways under the condition that each sardarji has to tell a story that lasts for 33 floors so that they can reach the 100th floor without much trouble.

After first sardarji finished his story in 33rd floor, the third sardarji said," I have a sad story to say, but i will tell at the end only". Then second sardarji finished his story and the third finished his story and finally they reached the 100th floor.

Then first sardarji asked what was the sad story. The third one said, " I forgot the room key which is on the manager's table".

They once again started back to the first floor and this time the second sardarji after crossing 33 floors from top said," I got a sad story, but I will also say that at the end". They finally reached the first floor and when asked about the sad story, the second sardarji said, " The keys were in my pocket only". With anger and full tired, they once again start from the first floor.

After reaching the 33rd floor, the third sardarji said, " I too have a sad story, but I will say at the end only". Then they reached the 100th floor and the second one asked the third sardarji about the sad story, he replied:

"This is not our hotel, It is on the other side of road, opposite to this"

------------------------

SARDAR - DUMB AND DUMBER!

Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too


Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.


A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.


Two days of power cuts in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators!

---------------------------

Sardarji on KBC 2

Amitabh : apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne..

Contestant Sardar is tensed.

Amitabh : Who is the father of Abhishek Bachan?

Computer Screen:

A. Amitabh Bachan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav

C. Moh. Azhar D. General Perverz Musharaff.

Amitabh : Apka kya jawab hai ?
(He is quite sure that Sardar will opt for A)
But Sardar is still confused.

Amitabh : Apke pas do life line hai..(50:50 and phone a friend)

Sardar: I think it is A but am not sure.

Amitabh : Not sure... Hmmm Ap kya karna chahenge?

Sardar : I would like to use 50:50?

Amitabh: Ok computer , 2 galat javabo ko mita de..

Computer after deleting two names, leaves two options which are: -

B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azhar.

Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake But as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Sardar is even more confused.

Sardar: I would like to use the last life line phone a friend..

Amitabh : Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?

Sardar : Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga.

Amitabh Bachchan Shocked !!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan

Santa Singh: "Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?"

Receiving reply from JAYA, Amitabh Bachan faints..

GUESS WHY?

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Jaya Bachchan ask's him "What are the options?"

(Please let the pic open. Wait for the 'Done' Notification in the bottom
left corner. If you can't see the pictures, right click the small Red-Cross
and choose Show Picture to view it.)

(If the images are not clear, click on the particular image to have a clear look....)


chk out this image....its tooo good....

My Vonly Dearest Low,

I have a conpeshion to make. I low u sooooo much. I just low staring at your beautiful face all day long. I keep your poto by my bed and look alvays at it in the night middle time. Everyday I am thanking God for you for making Vicco Turmeric Ayurvedic Cream, because without it, you would not have that lovely scent of sandlewood or that lovely wheat colored complexion just like a fresh baked roti yar. You are such a delicious specimin of a vooman. Your lips are like nice, pink, sveet jilebi.

Sometimes I vant to bite off your nose because it reminds me of a pakora.

Smelling your hair reminds of the days vhen I vas backin the motherland and my servant used to rub coconut thel in my hair before I vould go to sleep. Vould you like to rub me with your oil vhile vee frolickk in the meadows? I vill let you be Kajol if you vill let me be Shah Rukh Khan.

We can dance and if it rains, it vill be even better because then it vill be truly Hindi style with my already tight jeans clinging to my skinny legs and your sari stuck to your plump stomach. But remember, no hanky panky.

At least not yet. Sometimes I am imagining vhat it vould be like if you were not in my life. But then I can smell the curry powder on your breath and I know you will be in my life forewer! I lowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww you wery wery much. Don't yewer porget. . . you are my little samosa and I am your chutney. You are my chicken curry and I am your naan. You are my stuffing and I am your paratha. You are my mango and I am your lassi.

Please accept this as a statement of my undying low for u porever and ever and ever.
Alvays porever your vun and vonly, Many low .

This sardarji goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts. "The doc says "Ok, touch your elbow." The sardarji touches his
elbow and winces in genuine pain.

The doc, surprised, says "touch your head. "The sardarji touches his head and jumps in agony. The doc asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Every where the sardarji touches it hurts like hell.

The doc is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-raysetc... and tells the sardar to come back after two days. Two days later the sardar comes back and the doctor says,

"We've found your problem..." "Oh yeah? what is it ?"

'You've broken your finger!'